Dramatis Personae
Brian Roller....Arlecchino, the
servant and trickster
Stephen Beasley....Pantalone de Bisognosi, a
Venetian businessman
Michael Dant...Gratiano Forbisone, a
Bolognese doctor
Jared Robertson.....Burattino
Canaglia, a shop owner
Todd Gillispie.Capitano Spavento, the
braggart Spanish soldier
Joe Varney..The Doge (Prince of
the Town)
Eric
Holmes......Townsperson/royal valet
Jen Adams....Bigolo, really Laura, disguised
as a man,
Allison Brownlee..Flaminia, wife of
Pantalone/affair with Gratiano
Shannon Williams...Cintia, wife of
Gratiano/affair with Burattino
Heather Gill.Isabella, wife of
Burattino/affair with Pantalone
Erin Bolyard..Olivetta, a servant and
female Harlequin/trickster
Kristy Balser....Townsperson/servant
April Beckett...Townsperson/servant
Scene
One
Capitano
Spavento, the braggart Spanish soldier, enters, followed by Bigolo, really Laura in disguise as a man. Spavento
waxes eloquently about how much he enjoys visiting Venice. He loves the
weather, the canals, and the beautiful new buildings. He begins naming the
buildings, but gets confused and mentions Venetian Renaissance buildings along
with types of lunchmeat. This builds to a climax, he turns and shouts, "Ah,
Name of Building!"
Just
then, from upstage, Someone yells, "And stay out!" Arlecchino, the
servant and trickster, having been thrown out of a building, comes flying and
tumbling along downstage. Bigolo yells, "Watch out for the canal!"
and Arlecchino stops just short of falling in, and then does the lazzo of
falling. He catches himself, relieved.
Spavento
strides to him and congratulates him by pounding him on the back. Arlecchino
tumbles into the canal SPLASH! Bigolo runs to get a pole, and helps fish Arlecchino
out.
Spavento
apologizes, and asks him what happened. Arlecchino says he was spying on some
people in a house. This street, the Street of Love, is famous for married
couples having love affairs.
Spavento
says he has come to Venice for just that reason. He is seeking a lady love from
the many beautiful women who live here. Can Arlecchino point any of them out?
Certainly!
For a fee. Bigolo pays him, and Arlecchino begins the narration, as Pantalone
emerges from his house. Pantalone de Bisognosi, a businessman from Venice,
announces that it is time for him to go to work at the—and he stops,
frozen in place.
All
are frozen except for Arlecchino, who turns to the audience. Perhaps he should
explain. We are using this old manuscript of The Three Cuckolds scenario, from the 15th Century. Scholars
have long studied the scenario and not treated it well: coffee stains,
cigarette stains, blood from a
graduate advisor. In any case, some parts of the scenario are missing,
and will have to be supplied by the audience. (Raise lights gesture;
houselights up.) So what is Pantalone's business (and it has to be something
that would have been around in the 15th Century; no male strippers).
Once
the job is supplied, Pantalone repeats his sentence, then looks at the second
house where he sees Gratiano Forbisone, a doctor, from Bologna. Pantalone
despises Gratiano; though he is a doctor and should be respected, his specialty
is terrible! It is— and everyone freezes again. Arlecchino determines the
specialty, and all resume movement.
Gratiano
sees Pantalone and waves hello, but gets no response. He wonders what's up with
him. Then he glances over and sees Burattino Canaglia coming from the third
house. He despises Burattino, not simply because he is a merchant, a dealer
in—? but is also from a town Gratiano has always hated—And this can
be a contemporary place.
Olivetta
enters and suggests that they mix the spouses up. Spavento asks, Who is this?
Arlecchino explains that she is a servant who sometimes sneaks him food, and
who helps him play tricks on
people. He asks her what she had in mind. She explains about an audience member
picking names from a hat to assign the roles. Arlecchino agrees, and picks
someone from the audience who comes forward and picks a name from Olivetta's
hat. The roles thus assigned, the women are rearranged, and the action
continues with the men taking leave of their wives, and each greeting his/her
lover in this order:
Pantalone bids his wife, Flaminia, farewell, and she
acts as if she is heartbroken that he is going.[1]
She cries, and hugs him, and wishes he didn't have to go. He says he must.
Flaminia says something very insulting to Pantalone
behind his back as he exits. She then speaks ecstatically of her lover,
Gratiano. She sees him, her heart races, she must speak to him. Psst! He comes
to her, and they embrace and talk of love. He describes how much he wants to be
with her, in . She says he cannot, since Pantalone always locks the house at
night. She suggests a plan: she will ask her husband to have delivered a chest
of lemons for some reason, and he will hide in it. When delivered to the house,
she will open it, find him and they will be together!
Suddenly, they hear Cintia yelling at/to someone, and
they break the embrace. He says he is off to work, blows a kiss and exits just
as Cintia enters. They behave cooly and civilly to each other delivering
searing insults in such a nice manner.
Somehow, Flaminia suggests Cintia and Burattino are having an affair, and how
impossible that would be. Cintia protests, and finally, Flaminia excuses
herself and exits.
Cintia wonders how Flaminia knows, then sees Burratino
and all caution flies to the wind. She throws herself on him, and they embrace passionately.
They discuss how they would love each other in graphic, yet poetic terms. This
continues, until she demands that he leave Isabella. He agrees that he wants
to, and begins to paints a horrific portrait of her, until she enters, and
Burratino pretends he is talking about the devil, or some such. Cintia exits,
excusing herself and say she needs to go to the church.
Isabella confronts Burratino about his affair. He
changes the subject by demanding to know why she is not cleaning the house, and
begins to enumerate the many ways she is a terrible housekeeper. Finally he has
had too much and goes into the house because he can feel the place crawling
with bugs so he will clean it (a la Felix in The Odd Couple ).
She shakes her head, and stops, hearing Pantalone. He
enters singing, something Italian opera-esque. He sings to her, and she
practically swoons. They declare their love for each other. Just then Flaminia
calls after him. He does something like chasing bugs off her because everyone
knows how dirt the house is. (Comment on dirty from her to him, and she exits.)
Flaminia crosses to Pantalone and asks that he buy her
a chest of lemons for some crazy reason she has concocted. They are back to
being "much in love," and so he agrees, anything for her. He goes off
to order it now, and she is happy! She exits.
Spavento
tells Arlecchino that he is going to spend the day traveling around and seeing
the sights but that he will be back that evening. Spavento and Bigolo (who
looks back) at Arlecchino exit. Arlecchino stands staring at the audience.
Scene
Two
Arlecchino
moves. Suggests that some days, in Venice, as everywhere, one day is much like
another. Which is why, when something special happens, you should really enjoy
it. But not the people who came late to the theatre tonight! They're not going
to have a clue what is going on, so let's bring them in now. Houselights up!
The
latecomers are let in. Arlecchino stares them down, welcomes them, asks if they
had trouble parking etc.
Once
they are all seated, the houselights dim and the stage goes to dusk, and here
comes Spavento and Bigolo again.
Arlecchino
tells Spavento he is just in time to see a most wondrous thing! A delivery! A
baby? He waxes eloquently on the miracle of life. No, the delivery people are
bringing the chest of lemons earlier requested.
The
delivery people bring in the chest of lemons, with Gratiano inside. They sit it
down, and then take a rest. One begins drumming on it. The other grabs a
guitar, others bring in instruments, and build to huge improvisational climax!
Whoopee! All exit, except for Arlecchino, Spavento, Olivetta and Bigolo, who
continue to watch the chest, which opens, and Gratiano staggers out and, after
almost entering the other two houses, enters his own house.
Spavento
offers to buy Arlecchino a drink, who accepts. They exit. Olivetta suspects
something with Bigolo, and asks him/her what's wrong. Bigolo invents a story of
pirates, long lost sister, etc. Olivetta wishes Bigolo well, and exits.
Alone,
Bigolo reveals her identity, as the long lost sister of a man who left her
country years ago. It is she who is seeking her brother. Arlecchino seems
familiar, she wonders? Spavento calls for her and she exits.
ACT
TWO
Scene
One
Arlecchino
enters with a massive hangover. Spavento enters, feeling fine after the night's
carousing. Arlecchino accuses him of not having been drinking at all.
Enter
a messenger and the Doge. The messenger announces a Carnival coming the next
night. By special proclamation, the Doge will divorce all couples and then
marry them to whomever they wish so they should choose wisely who they will be
with when the Doge performs the marriage ceremony.
Spavento
relishes this news; after such a good night's sleep he has decided to pursue
each of these women, since he would be a much better lover than their current
one. He courts each in turn, but it doesn't work out, because he is always too
much of a coward to follow through, and confesses to Bigolo that he is a
virgin. Well, close anyway. And he is looking for the right woman. He exits.
Bigolo
sighs, and Olivetta asks her if she is in love with him. Conversation around
homosexuality, Bigolo being manly, etc. Olivetta finally confronts Bigolo
who confesses to being a woman, and in love with Spavento. Ah! Says Olivetta,
who exits.
Enter
the MadWoman; she is introduced by Arlecchino and they mirror each other.
Each
of the characters now comes to Arlecchino, asking for help to be together
with his/her lover. Here's a spot in the scenario where the coffee stain doesn't
tell him what to do, so Olivetta helps get suggestions from the audience to
substitute different TV, film and movie styles. So each character comes, does
some star turn (for example, Gratiano explains some bizarre medical thing)
and says some variation of, "Arlecchino, help me get together with my
lover!" and he looks to Olivetta who supplies a style, and Arlecchino
and the character improv the rest of the scene, which always ends with the
same phrase, "The Magician. That's your answer." They rush off happy.
Olivetta
asks why the magician? He explains.
ACT
TWO, Scene 2
Spavento
enters, needing desperately to urinate after drinking so much espresso. Arlecchino
doesn't know of any public places, but sends Spavento behind the curtain and calls
on Olivetta to fetch him something for Spavento to use. Olivetta hands it to Arlecchino
who hands it to Bigolo who embarrassedly hands it to Spavento (hidden).
Spavento yells that it is not enough, it is full, hurry! Another vessel is
passed, then a third is called for and passed. (Each is passed to Bigolo who
hands it to Arlecchino, who sits it down.)
Cintia
enters quietly and asks Olivetta where she can find the magician. Olivetta
directs her around to the next alley. In the meantime, Arlecchino grabs the
magician garb and enters, blind. Cintia returns in one alley, and Flaminia and
Isabella enter in the other. Each quietly get his attention, and ask for help.
He says something about an echo and in returns the mad woman. Arlecchino chases
her off, then tells the women that enchanted masks will be delivered to them,
and they should give the one with the same colored ribbon to their lovers, and
this will allow them to find each other at the celebration. The women exit.
Olivetta
questions Arlecchino's sanity, when the men sneak in, same as the women. Here
we go again.
Each
of the men asks for help of the magician. He says that he has already helped
the woman, and to follow her lead. Then, the men ask Arlecchino to give them a potion
to help them perform. Arlecchino distributes the urine containers, claims that he
obtained it from the Spanish apothecary, Pedro de Viagra, and tells them they
must drink it all. They go off, happy.
Olivetta
and Arlecchino laugh, and he says they must get the masks ready.
Music
in preparation for the Act Change.
During
the music Olivetta delivers the masks to the different houses.
ACT
THREE
All
the couples come bustling in and as they move about. Arlecchino announces
that it is the night of Carnival! And lights dim, and all the characters grope
about (the lazzo of nightfall) until someone mentions how the beautiful lanterns
decorating the town made Venice shine like—something. All of them go
into their houses to get dressed.
Olivetta
tells Arlecchino that she understands the switching of the masks, that each
couple will be wearing the same color, but they will be with their real spouses,
not their lovers. She asks how will they accomplish the divorce and remarriage
thing? That has to happen early on. Arlecchino decides to recruit someone from
the audience to be temporary Doge, brings him/her on and gives a script.
Music.
All the couples come on, and the Doge is prompted to the lines for the divorce,
all celebrate, and dance to music. Drinking! Arlecchino dances with Olivetta,
and Spavento with Bigolo. They switch, and Arlecchino notices the mark on Bigolo's
arm, and it looks familiar. But no time to find out now.
Spouses
kiss, and find that their lovers have never kissed like THAT before!
Doge
enters and finds the fake Doge, and says he wondered where his costume was, he
searched everywhere backstage, uh, in the palace. He has his servant escort the
imposter back to his/her seat. The Doge then calls for the time of the divorce.
Arlecchino: We did that part. Oh! Then it is time for the marriage! Are the
couples ready? He pronounces them husband and wife!
Each
couple comes forward and unmasks, and finds his/her own spouse! They are
amazed, and rather aroused by this development. I am seeing you in a new light,
my eyes are open, you make me hot!
The
Doge discovers that he has no one to marry. Arlecchino suggests the mad woman, since
she will always agree with whatever he says. The Doge tries it, "You are
beautiful, etc. Arlecchino then laments that he is not married. Olivetta
volunteers, and Arlecchino proposes to Olivetta who accepts, but the messenger
stops them—Harlequin is a servant, and cannot choose his own mate.
But
wait! Bigolo steps forward, and questions Arlecchino about his ancestry and
Bigolo reveals the truth— Arlecchino is noble born, but was lost when
very young, a changeling child, one of twins, who is now reunited with his twin.
Arlechhino: my brother? You sister! Spavento is flabbergasted (she has seen him
urinate, apparently); and she asks him to marry her. He agrees, saying his
bravado was really overcompensating for his fear that he was falling in love
with his manservant.
The
Doge is about to continue, but the Messenger shouts, demanding that he have
someone to. The Doge sends him into the audience to seek out a mate, and bring her
onstage. The Doge asks if that is everyone, and when assured that it is,
pronounces them all married, suggests they kiss, and wishes that all would live
happily ever after with their own spouse!
Curtain
call:
The
Messenger with his Spouse X L of C;
The
Doge and Madwoman X R of C;
They
bow and X L or R
Spavento
and Bigolo X C, bow, X R
Burattino
and Isabella X C, bow, X L
Gratiano
and Cintia, X C, bow, X R
Pantalone
and Flaminia X C, bow, XL
Arlecchino
and Olivetta X C, bow
ALL
BOW together on Arlecchino's signal
Acknowledge
musicians
Things
to Think About:
[or,
what I will be looking for in auditions for casting]
1)
Men must work in every
possible reference to the jobs the audience assigned them. Be extreme about it.
2)
Be as original with the
dialogue as possible. Be flowery, be wild. This is set in 15th
Century Italy, but occasional jarring references to contemporary things or
events can be incredibly funny.
3)
Go wild with the stage
directions. If it says, "Entering noisily," does that mean singing,
or does it mean scratching fleas, or having serious bodily emission noise
problems?
4)
Use your body as much as
your words to convey your meaning. Big gestures are better than small ones.
5)
Think of animals, birds,
or other creatures that fit different moments and try them as you go through
the scenes.
6)
What talents and traits
do you possess that we can add to the character? Brian rolls, Stephen sings,
what can you add?